Have you ever had one of those months?

October....used to be one of my favorite months. I love the fall colors, the crisp change in the air (usually without being too cold), several friends and family birthdays, and Halloween.
This October however, has been the most difficult and heartbreaking month of my life.

My daughter was pregnant with twins....Michael and Alena. Much awaited and loved already. We waited until the second trimester to announce, then planned a fun gender reveal party for close friends and family.
We started baby shopping.....crib, 2 car seats, clothes, changing table and numerous other things to await the arrival of the babies.
Then the unthinkable happened and she went into labor at 20 weeks. 20 weeks is just too early for babies to survive. I know this, I worked as a nurse in a NICU many years ago.
The labor and delivery happened on what was the hardest day of my life. 2 perfect little babies, a boy and a girl gone from this world before they had a chance. The following week was filled with tears and questions.
The week following was even worse...is that possible? Picking up the babies ashes from the funeral home, then planning how we would say goodbye.

There is a favorite spot, a lake in the mountains that is a place that my daughter and son in law hike to at least every year. The plan was to gather family to take the one mile hike and have our memorial while scattering the ashes into the lake. We worried about the weather. The end of October is very iffy in Seattle, especially in the mountains. But on this day, the sun came out for us. We even saw a rainbow on our drive there.
Michael and Alena are in their final resting place now. We miss and love them very much.
The heartbreak is profound. The strength shown by my daughter and son in law is nothing short of amazing.

I'm not a writer, and rarely share much on my blogs besides my photographs. But this life altering event is an exception. I tried to think of an appropriate quote or something uplifting to add, but could only come up with this one:
"Promise me you'll always remember: you're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." A.A. Milne,Winne the Pooh 

Forever in my heart, bless your sweet little souls Michael and Alena.

November desktop calendar will be posted tomorrow.

Thanks so much for stopping by......Sylvia Share


  1. Oh Sylvia... I'm sitting here crying for you and your family - most of all for your two precious little grandchildren. No words can express how sad I am for you as I read this. Sending you all as much love and strength as I possibly can. ♥♥♥

  2. How sad to lose those babies...my prayers go out to you and your family...can't imagine the sadness you are all feeling...God Bless You!

  3. So, so sorry for your loss. Those two little souls will always have a special place in your hearts. Peace and prayers to you all!

  4. I am so sorry to hear this sad news. My deepest sympathy to you and your family.

  5. My heart, thoughts and prayers goes out to you and your family in this time of loss...

    And while words cannot take away your pain, you will always carry your grand babies with you in your heart and dreams. Keep an eye out for butterflies.

  6. Sylvia, I am crying with you! I also lost a grandson who was born full term. Perfect on the outside but heart problems, diaphramatic hernia etc on the Inside. He lived about 3 hours. As the grandparent you grieve for your lost grandchild, your children and your self. I am sending many prayers and many hugs for you all! I am so very sorry for your loss!

  7. I am so sorry for your losses. I lost my Id twin girls 17months ago. Life has been very different and very life changing. Beautiful place to spread ashes... that photo at the bottom is amazing! I've taken my mother to many of my events and involved her in a lot of my baby loss projects as well. You sound like an amazing person. Sending prayers to your family...